


Cul-de-sac Kids

by deanorudumpsterfire



Category: Runaways (Comics), Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: A lot of cursing, F/F, a lil sexytimes, a lil violent, angsty af, mostly an excuse for nico and karolina to finally think/talk everything out and get on with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-04-06 16:25:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14060832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanorudumpsterfire/pseuds/deanorudumpsterfire
Summary: In which the reunited Runaways rent a house together and try to live a normal life.  Of course, they find their way into trouble - but maybe trouble is just what Nico and Karolina need to finally admit their feelings for each other.(For comic fans, this is sort of an alternate universe of events following issue #6.  For those who just watch the show, comic Runaways is essentially college-aged/young adult Runaways - so, yes, it's awesome; don't be scared / jump right in!)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: there's comic spoilers probably.

Nico was trying to light the stove.   _Click, click, click_  went the starter.  

The scene would have been all too familiar, sort of like the day Chase had barged into her dark studio apartment with a time machine.  But instead, light shone through the windows and bounced off the yellow accent wall, blocks of sunshine checkering the white tile floor.  There was a small round breakfast table a few feet away - where the pile of sheets that served as a bed would have been.   
  
And in every corner of the tiny eat-in kitchen, instead of shoes or a heap of dirty clothes, there were herbs or decorative plants, some pots still cradling water from Nico’s morning care-taking routine.  
  
Outside, the little three-bedroom bungalow was an orange-cream color, with a rust-brown roof and a dusty yard encircled by a chain link fence.  Karolina had said it reminded her of the sun, with its bright colors and rounded archways over the porch, door, and windows.  It was the blonde’s idea that they rent a house - to ‘get out of their parents’ basement’, in her words.    
  
\-                  
  
“We’ll be the best tenants you’ve ever had.  It doesn’t look like the last ones paid too much attention to the yard, but I adoregardening -” Nico’s eyes widened and she immediately looked skyward, attempting to hide her disbelief.  She was pretty sure Karolina hadn’t gardened a day in her life.                    
  
The property manager flicked his cigarette onto the ground in disinterest, stamping it - and a small patch of grass – out with a worn leather shoe.  “Right, well, glad you like it.   The way this works is whoever writes me a check first, for the most money, gets the house. Here’s the lease.” He held out a few pieces of paper, which Nico took gingerly from his rough hands and began to read through.    
  
No pets, no smoking; no nails, screws, or posters; no personal belongings in the common areas; oil heat; all utilities and yard maintenance responsibility of the tenant; rent money will be deposited directly into the landlord’s bank account; a dubious paragraph about water damage being the sole responsibility of lessees…                  
  
Karolina put her hand on Nico’s back and leaned over her shoulder, her cheek grazing Nico’s.  Nico’s breath hitched. Did she really have to put her hand there? And couldn’t she move her head a few inches to the right? Nico felt her face get uncomfortably warm.  Was she blushing? Fuck.  She was blushing.    
  
She pulled away from Karolina to look her square on and give her a piece of her mind, but the other girl hardly noticed.  Apparently Karolina’s attention was trained on the lease. Nico’s, on the other hand, drifted down her face, flushed from the sun. Karolina _was_ pretty cute when she was concentrating like that.  
  
“ – and we definitely don’t have any pets.” Right.  The lease. Now said cute girl was flat-out storytelling. Nico let out the air she had been holding.                    
  
“Great. So, that’ll be $1400 for the first month’s rent, and $1400 for the deposit. If you want to give me the second, third, and fourth month’s rent too, that’ll sweeten the deal. Let me know when you’ve got the money.” Rick – that was his name – was already opening the door to his beat-up beige Civic.  He had left the cigarette butt in the middle of the yard.                  
  
“You don’t want applications or anything?” Nico asked, incredulous.   
  
“Wait!” Chase called out.  “Here!”                

“Chase – “ Nico cautioned, but he was whipping his checkbook out of his back pocket and writing $9,800 in pen.                  

“Here’s 6 months.” Chase said, his smile the widest Nico had seen it in ages.  Karolina beamed back at him.  Nico frowned nervously.    
  
Gert and Molly were a few blocks away with Victor, Old Lace and the cat.  They had responded to the Craigslist ad saying there were only three of them (and definitely no disembodied head), hoping that would make them seem like more ideal tenants for the cramped property.  

She wondered what Gert, the other pessimist of their merry band, would think of this.  It was too fast, and the guy was sketchy with his upfront payment request, and the neighborhood wasn’t great. But it was cheap, and there was no background check…              

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” Rick said.  He tossed a key to Nico, snapping her out of contemplation.

“There’s three of us – “ Nico started.  
  
“You can make your own copies,” Rick said.  “And what are you staring at, Miss Hot Topic? Are you gonna sign that thing or what?”

Nico, Karolina, and Chase signed the papers.  Rick said he’d send over a copy later, and gave them a business card with the bank account number scribbled on the back.  He climbed into the blue suede driver’s seat, rolled up the window – which made an uncomfortable crunching-squeaking sound, like there was shattered glass stuck in the door gears – and sped away.  

Nico had a feeling that would be the last the group would see of him.  

“Where the Hell did you get ten thousand dollars from?” Nico shouted at Chase as soon as the Civic screeched around the corner.  In response, Chase just shrugged jovially and pulled up Gert’s contact on his cell phone.                

“Was saving up for a car.  But this is more important.” Then Gert’s voice over the speaker – You  _what? –_ and Chase’s smile never faltered.  “Hey to you, too, Gert.  And welcome home.”                

“Come on,” Karolina said, taking Nico’s hand. Nico felt her cheeks get hot again.  Her hand! Why did she keep grabbing her hand like that? “Let’s go inside and clean this place up.”

-

Nico surveyed the little pots filled with tomato and bell pepper starts littering the grass outside the kitchen window – that was her doing, same as the kitchen plants, and Nico made a mental note to tease Karolina about that – and her gaze fell on the cedar boards Chase had piled up at the edge of the yard a week or so ago. He had explained that he was meaning to replace the chain link fence with a proper one; turned out, Chase was as good of an amateur carpenter as he was a mechanic, and was right now working one of his side jobs as a handyman halfway across the city.  Also turned out, he was just as good at follow-through as ever.

But maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

Nico’s never believed the lie that life was a linear progression.  Most people thought something like this made sense: go to secondary school, get good grades, go to a good college, get a good job, blahblah.  And, of course, get wiser along the way.  Meanwhile, you better not get sidetracked.  Not by evil parents, not by trauma, not by poverty, illness, or, God forbid, definitely not by the idea that maybe one of the paths that didn’t lead to the white picket fence was just as good as the ones that did.

Nico knew the life most people believed in was a fairytale, and a particularly boring one at that.  She turned away from the window to rummage through the cupboards, looking for a lighter.  

“Ah-hah!”

There it was.  Next to the candles Karolina bought ‘in case the power went out’.  Nico hadn’t had the heart to tell her that the equation of a bunch of lit candles, plus a drought ridden desert town, dinosaur, and two “bedrooms” sans windows (yup, $1400 in L.A. proper  _was_  too good of a deal to be true) probably summed up to all of their untimely demises.  

Instead, she’d clandestinely slipped a few flashlights onto the shelf as well.  

Karolina was asleep, which was unusual for the morning riser.  But it was the first day of summer break, and maybe Nico’s only chance to make Karolina breakfast. With that thought, Nico grimaced in determination and turned the oven knob again, this time armed with the lighter.  

 _Click, click, swoosh._ The stove lit.  

She definitely needed all three burners.  The veggie sausage she knew Karolina liked was already going on the first one, and the fancy omelet with green onions and goat cheese and cherry tomatoes on the second.  Now, for the blueberry pancakes.    

There was a pitcher of fresh-squeezed orange juice on the table, and a vase with flowers she had picked up from the farmer’s market.  A crystal bowl salvaged from a thrift store joined the lily and sunflower centerpiece.  In the bowl were the fruits of the last of her paycheck, literally - strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries.  

Nico was scooping the veggie sausage and egg onto plates and burning the first few pancakes when the front door swung open.  

“Nico? You’re awake? It’s like seven o’clock.”

“Me?” Nico sputtered.  “I’ve been up since five! Where – “

“Long run day,” Karolina said, making her way into the kitchen in a sports bra and exercise shorts, stopping when she saw the elaborate breakfast spread.  She took her headphones off and slung them around her bare shoulders.  “Wow,” she breathed.  “What’s all this for?”  

It wasn’t finding out her parents were supervillains that made Nico rebel.   _That_  part was just icing on the cake.  No - growing up a bookish nerd and then a witchy outcast is what taught her that things weren’t always as they appeared. So why she thought Karolina’s door being closed meant she was asleep, and furthermore why she thought some cheesy breakfast would impress her? Fuck if she knew.

What  _was_ all this for? That was a good question.  

“I just – I don’t know.  I know it’s been hard for you,” Nico looked down at her feet.  “You’re always up so early, flying all the way to Pomona before anyone’s awake.  And since it was the first day of summer break, I thought I could surprise you? Like a congratulations for the semester being over?” Nico jerked a shoulder to the orange juice, feeling a little silly for the effort.  “Plus I found this juicer at Value Village last week and I thought it might be…fun?”

Fun was not how she would describe the painstaking process of cleaning out the juicer filter, but she did think it would be fun to share something nice with her housemate.  Probably for the same reason it was fun to water the plants in the kitchen, or fix up the yard, and definitely not because she wanted to see Karolina, specifically, happy.  Definitely not that.

Rufus appeared at her feet, as cats do.  It looked into her eyes and read her mind, cocking his head and mewing in sympathy.  

To Nico’s surprise, Karolina laughed – her laugh always sounded so beautiful – and plopped down on one of the mismatched chairs at the table.  “I didn’t take you for such a homesteader,” she said, smiling at the flowers and plucking one of the lilies out of the vase to twirl in her fingers.

“Well, you never saw me at me at my full potential.  There’s only so much you can do with a literal cave.” Nico replied.  Rufus leapt onto the table and nuzzled Karolina’s hand before turning toward the omelet.  “Rufus! Down!”

“Oh, he’s fine,” Karolina cooed. Rufus purred as Karolina put her hands around him, placing him on the chair next to her.  “If you weren’t so intent on this being a surprise, I might not have had to stink up the breakfast table with my workout. Sorry I’m such a mess – “

Of course, Karolina was nothing like a mess.  She was kind, and strong, and so alive – powered by the sun itself.  If it was possible to look even more the epitome of life-giving energy than usual, she did right now, probably because she had been out trying to charge up as much as she could in the pre-dawn light.  

Nico was pretty sure Karolina could never be anything other than perfect, and she suddenly felt diminutive, pale and self-conscious in comparison. She nervously tugged at her pajamas, a black cutoff shirt and black boxer briefs.  Still, she couldn’t help but smile and meet the blonde’s glacier blue eyes.    

Before Nico had been…taken away…(and Nico felt her chest tighten and her breath stomped out of her and the invasion of far too many emotions at the thought) she had fallen into an easy routine of being more openly flirtatious around Karolina.  

When Karolina was engaged to Xavin, she had made sure to keep her distance despite the butterflies banging against her stomach whenever the other girl was around. But with Xavin gone, it seemed so natural to start to let everything fly out in the open.  It was the way she had wanted to treat Karolina for years.  As if maybe, one day - if Karolina would take her, would forgive her for not knowing what she wanted when she was just a kid - she could let Nico show her that she might not be Xavin, but she’d be a pretty damn good girlfriend nonetheless.

It was in the spirit of old times, then, that Nico said,

“You, a mess? I’ve never seen a more gorgeous person in my life.” The problem was, the words came out far huskier than reasonable for a friendly compliment, and after their eyes had been locked for more than a few seconds too long. Nico instantly regretted speaking.

It was being happy again that must have made her fall back into old patterns, must have made her forget that Murderworld had changed everything. Made her forget that Karolina had seriously thought she had run off with  _Chase_ , that Karolina had abandoned her, had shacked up with some girl she barely knew - like Nico was nothing.  And now, on top of all that, Nico was hitting on her taken best friend like some kind of creep.

“Nico…thank you.  For everything.  This breakfast is amazing.” Nico realized she had broken eye contact with Karolina, choosing instead to stare out the window with crossed arms.  But at the sound of Karolina’s voice, her blind anger disappeared and her vegetable garden came into fuzzy view beneath the first rays of sunrise.  How could she ever blame Karolina for anything? She had just done what she thought was best.  They all had.

But if this was anyone’s fault, it was Nico’s.  For looking at Karolina like she was some kind of freak the first time she tried to kiss her.  She’d had her chance.  And now that chance was gone, probably forever.

“Nico? What’s wrong?”  

“Nothing’s wrong.” Nico forced a smile and took a seat one chair away from Karolina, Rufus in between them.  

As she was growing up, the adults in Nico’s life – the teachers, the celebrities on T.V., the lawyer she had shadowed for career day in 5thgrade – had told Nico “it gets better”.   But she’d read too many books to think that as soon as high school ended, that flowers started bursting out of everyone’s butts.  On the contrary – bullies that snickered behind your back would turn into people who could  _actually_ kill you.  Maybe they’d deny you a raise, or health insurance.  Or maybe they’d take over your friend’s mind and convince them to rip your arm off or your heart out.

You know.

And what about the rest of us? Of course we didn’t all get to be celebrities, lawyers, and superheroes.  If you’re lucky enough to make it to twenty-five at all (if you don’t get killed by a drunk driver or your boyfriend or Ultron first), success was still not guaranteed. 

After all, someone had to work the thankless jobs. Plenty of people died virgins, alone.  Billions over the ages lost their families to war or famine.  And anyone who thought it was because we all got what we deserved and worked for, well, Nico figured there was a special place in Hell for people who could possibly be that arrogant.  Or, she hoped there was.  

Not that hope was ever enough.

Despite that, Nico and Karolina talked for a long time over the breakfast table about hopes for school once Karolina was going to UCLA for the upcoming semester and not commuting so far, about summer trips and summer jobs, and about eating most of everything except for the burned blueberry pancakes.

“I was just thinking,” Nico piped up a few moments after they had finally settled into a comfortable silence.  “Back to how you said you loved gardening.  But it seems like no matter how early you get up, I’m always the one watering the plants.” Nico’s eyes twinkled playfully.  

“And we don’t have any pets,” Karolina smiled, tilting her head toward Rufus.

“Or dinosaurs. You might not have taken me for a homesteader, but at least I’m not a liar…” Nico was laughing, but stopped when she saw Karolina frown.  She hadn’t meant to offend her. “I mean, I’m kidding,” Nico rushed to say.  “You’re wonderful, of course.  I actually really look up to y - ”  

“You think you’re more honest than me? Sometimes lying is more about the things you don’t say than the things you do,” Karolina offered.  Nico’s hand was absently stroking Rufus’ back, and Karolina reached to rest her palm against Nico’s, whose fingers stopped their mechanical movement across the fur when Karolina intertwined their pinkies.  “Nico, if there’s something you want to tell me, you have to say it.  And you have to say it plainly, and like you mean it. You can’t just – ”

Nico had no idea what Karolina was on about.  Say  _what_? She jerked her hand away.  If Karolina thought Nico was down for some conversation about their feelings and friendship, just to have Karolina tell her that she was with Julie now and, by the way, Julie was taller and prettier and more well-adjusted and had a better career…No, thanks.  
  
And if that conversation in Karolina’s dorm room wasn’t crystal clear, her  shouting about having a girlfriend the last time Nico tried to make a move was  _definitely_  clear.  The fur rose on Rufus’ back in agreement.

Nico huffed.  “I’m good.  Anyway, there’s a lot of stuff to clean up.  Why don’t you go take that shower or something.”

“Hey, I’ll help you – “ Karolina started.

“No. Don’t.” Nico’s glare was icy.

“It’s not fair to cook and then have to clean everything, too.” Karolina stared back, unafraid.

At that Nico’s facade crumpled, and damn it, why did Karolina always make her so mushy? “Karolina,” Nico said, her voice breaking.  “Please.  I know you’re trying to help, but I need to be alone.  Just give me some space and let me clean up.”

Hearing the earnestness in her friend’s tone, Karolina stood up quickly.  Nico could have sworn that her eyes were a little misty with tears, but she turned her back too quickly for the shorter girl to be sure, rushing toward the bathroom with a nod.  Nico waited until she heard the water running to start collecting the plates.

She wondered if the elder Minorus had been bullies.  If people had seen it coming.  But being her mother’s daughter and seeing the DNA of the past strung out in the present with each breath her body’s code ordered she take, she had reasoned the truth was far worse: that her parents hadn’t started out bad at all. One day in the not so distant past, her mother and father had been just like her. Young.  Skeptical.  Earnest.

Mostly good.

But somewhere along the way, they had felt like they weren’t enough.  The prestigious college wasn’t the  _most_  prestigious, if there was college at all.  The big shot job paid a few grand too little, if they didn’t lose it or even had it to begin with. There would be no wife, no house, and no kids – not without more recognition, money, and security first.  They had made deals with the devil to get the things it seemed happiness required.   Because fate was as much luck as it was hard work, and leaving your future to a roll of the dice? Apparently it had not proved an easy pill to swallow for them.                

Across the small living room, a door creaked open.            

“Why’re you guys up so early?” Molly whined, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.  “It’s summer break!”                

“Sorry Mols,” Nico said apologetically. “There’s a lot of blueberry pancake batter I’d love to share with you, though.“               

“I’m in!” That was Gert, her voice muffled and likely coming from under a pillow in the room she and Molly shared.  
  
“And maybe one of you guys can grab Victor so that he can…eat with us?” Nico’s suggestion was tentative and unsure.  She didn’t know if Victor could eat.  “Or, like, sit nearby?” Or sit.  
  
“Got it, captain,” Gert said with a snort.                 

Even with the mood she was in, the two girls got a genuine smile from Nico in response.  Nico wasn’t sure about many things, but she was sure she loved Karolina, and sure she would swallow whatever pill fate threw her way without giving in to some fucked up deal from Satan.  No matter how much she wished her luck had rolled out a little differently.  
  
-  
  


Karolina slammed the bathroom door behind her, horrified at the tears already streaming down her face.  She even had to choke back a sob before she turned the shower on full blast and was sure that her sniffling would be hidden by the thrum of the water.   _Ugh._ Why was she  _such_ a girl?                

Ever since Nico had shown up at Pomona, she’d been haunted by the fear that this was all her fault.                  

How could  _Molly_ have suspected Chase and Nico were missing, but Karolina didn’t? She’d been so self-absorbed, taking that stupid fake letter like a knife to the heart instead of seeing it for what it was – bullshit.  

Before she’d read it, she could have sworn Nico had been flirting with her.  Did friends pull friends into their laps? Banter over spin the bottle kisses? Hold hands on the beach? But Nico never  _said_ she was flirting.  And Karolina was freaking herself out with the way she was getting so hung up on her, like she was 16 and scared and running all over again.  What if Nico was straight? The absolute straightest? And Karolina, still messed up over losing Xavin, was in some kind of terrible mirage?

Well, she could do something about that.  The best way to get over someone – or two someones – was to get under someone else.  And Julie wasn’t exactly the bottom of the barrel.  She was stunning.  Accomplished. Everything Karolina should want.  In fact, the part of her that wasn’t stuck on Nico definitely  _did_ want Julie.

And then she’d thought the damn letter was confirmation of her worst fears, and so she’d thrown herself even further into her new relationship.  Thrown herself so far into it that, eventually, it even became something like love.  

But all the while, Molly had kept talking about Nico and Chase, and anytime she’d heard her best friend’s name, it reminded her that Julie might not be what her heart really wanted.  Thankfully for Karolina, the Most Selfish Person Alive, it was incredibly easy to shut down a twelve year old.  Especially when she was busy having great sex with an objectively gorgeous girlfriend.   

Meanwhile, she would let one of the people she cared about most in the world get hurt in a way that could never be taken back or fixed. And all over protecting her uncomplicated relationship with some girl.  It should have been  _Karolina_  that was taken away.  And if she had been lucky, maybe she would have died and never came back.                

She threw her bra and bracelet off in disgust, shrugged her shorts down as the bathroom lit up in technicolor.  She reached behind a foggy plastic door, looking more like stained glass under her alien lights, to turn the water knob all the way to hot - still uncomfortably cool for her.                

And now, this thing with Nico? It was happening again, like some sick real-life Groundhog Day.  She stepped into the shower and sunk to the floor in despair. It wasn’t fair.  She had the kindest, most beautiful, best girlfriend, and yet she was seeing things in the way Nico looked at her too long, or the way she blushed when Karolina not-so-accidentally brushed against her.

Not only was she seeing things, but she was undoubtedly falling for Nico faster than an anvil getting thrown off a rooftop.  After Nico had been hit by that psycho grandma’s telepathic experiment, she’d about lost it.  One, she’d nearly blown up the house; and two, after she laid Nico down in the backyard, she’d grabbed her hand and refused to let go.   _I will never abandon you again_ , she remembered thinking.

She would swing wildly from  _knowing_ Nico was queer - that hair cut? The septum piercing? The smile anytime Karolina so much as looked at her?  Really, Nico? – to fearing the absolute worst.  The worst being, that Nico was not only straight, but playing some kind of game with her.  Perhaps the not insignificant streak of jealousy Nico could display was an attempt to control her, because if Nico wasn’t sleeping with  _someone_ on the team, then she felt like some kind of impotent den mother.

Karolina squeezed her eyes shut and breathed through her affirmations.   _I forgive myself for the mistakes I made when I was too young to know any better_.  _I forgive myself.  I forgive myself._   The water turned icy.                

Karolina shut off the shower and stood up.                  

This w _asn’t_ her fault.  

And she was calling Julie before she cheated on her with a straight girl.  

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Nico was in a panic.  Karolina had told everyone Julie would be over in an hour.  Turned out, super-sonic travel could be really inconvenient – for some of them.

She rushed to grab sticky plates off the table, tossing them into an already over-piled sink.  She grabbed a bowl from in front of Gert.

“Hey!” Gert shouted.  “I was gonna give the scraps to Old Lace!”

“You were gonna let the dinosaur drool all over one of our plates? What’s wrong with you? And can anybody help me clean?”

“What’s wrong with _you_?” Gert fired back.  She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest.  A blow-dryer fired up in the bathroom - Karolina must be getting ready.

Nico began furiously scrubbing down the dishes, aghast that she was starting to smell like syrup in the process.  She caught a glimpse of herself in the window halfway through the chore, and noted that an unsightly water stain had spread across the front of her shirt, and that her hair looked significantly more frazzled than it had just ten minutes earlier. 

She thrust her hands down onto the counter in frustration, knocking her elbow against her staff.  Instinctively she caught it as it toppled, feeling resentful that her body's first reaction was to protect it from harm.  She had gotten a paper cut last night and accidentally summoned it; in the hours since, sleep evaded her.  The sight of the staff reminded her of the one thing that hadn't gotten better now that her friends were back in her life - the feeling that she was being suffocated by a snake with a thousand times the crushing force it had ever wielded over her when she was younger.  The feeling that the staff was a final curse bestowed upon her by the Minoru family.  Juxtaposed against the mundane appliances in the kitchen, it looked massive, and Nico felt sick at the thought of dozing off.  Sick at the thought of the staff forcing itself between the bones in her chest.

It was growing. 

And she was not keeping up.

What if it broke her? What if one night, as she woke to it returning to its roost, she looked down to see her torso flayed like a hunter’s prized kill? To her guts and organs pushed out over the sheets like -

"God damn-it!” Nico shouted, feeling bile rise in her throat.  “If everyone doesn’t grab one dish _right now_ – “

 _Knock, knock_.

“Karolina?” Julie called out.

Nico’s face fell.  Gert smirked.  “Oh, so _that’s_ what you were all up in arms about.”

“Hey babe! Be right out,” Karolina shouted from the bathroom.  She stepped into the living room, where Gert was already at the door, and the smell of natural shampoo and perfume wafted into the uncomfortably chaotic kitchen.  Karolina’s hair and make-up was, of course, immaculate.

Nico’s eyes darted to her bedroom.  If she made a run for it, she might be able to make it before Julie noticed she was even home.  She frantically motioned for Gert not to turn the knob.  Gert smirked again, and answered the door without pause.

“Julie!” Karolina threw her arms around the tall, beaming blonde in front of her.

“Hey! I've missed you!”  Julie pulled back, smiling.  Nico watched them kiss, aghast.   “Gert!” Julie wrapped Gert in a bear hug, and Gert’s obvious discomfort with the show of affection gave Nico some small amount of pleasure.  It didn’t last long.  “Nico!” Julie waved in Nico’s direction.

"H-hi.” Nico lifted a weak hand in greeting.

-

The day was spent showing Julie all around the city, the Runaways in tow.  Victor proved a good shot at carnival games – “A little to the left,” he had counseled Gert, who was holding the pellet gun.  “Down.  Now a bit to the right.  Yeah! Right – there!” Gert pulled the trigger, hit the target straight on, and a gigantic teddy bear fell from the sky into Julie’s lap. 

“It’s all yours,” Gert offered.  “I’m not really into stuffed animals.”

“Aww, babe,” Julie cooed at Karolina.  “Your friends are so sweet.”

Later, in an absurd display of boundless energy, Molly had played tour guide to all her favorite spots.  Every.  Last.  One.  Hidden hillside nooks with glamorous views.  The beach.  The zoo.

The day finally seemed to be winding down when Chase suggested stopping by a bar he frequented, a speakeasy that didn’t card, tucked in (for Los Angeles) a suspiciously charming alley. 

Nico slumped into a booth.  Last night’s lack of sleep was really catching up to her, and the Staff of One felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as Nico dragged it onto the seat.   She tried not to stare at the way Karolina leaned into Julie under the establishment’s romantic lighting.  She caught Karolina’s eye by accident anyway, who looked away (a little too quickly) and leaned even closer (a little too aggressively) toward her girlfriend.

At that, Julie turned to face Karolina, questioning, glancing between her and Nico suspiciously.  Chase coughed.

“So, uh, Julie, what do you think of L.A.?”

“It’s pretty cool,” Julie conceded.  “It doesn’t quite compare to New York, though.  I can’t wait to give _you_ guys a tour.”

Molly scoffed into her soda.

“New York _sucks_.”

“Molly!” Nico chided.  But it was mostly for naught - no one seemed to notice, chatting amicably over the exchange.

“I bet Columbia University is really great,” Chase offered.  

Nico looked down into her whiskey - at least the place had liquor - and then she glanced at the clock.  4pm.  How was it only four? She groaned, and at that, Karolina managed to shoot her daggers.  Nico rolled her eyes, threw her head back, downed the drink, and raised her hand for another.

-

Mercifully for Nico, the gang didn’t spend too long at the speakeasy.  After the bartender took a second glance at Molly – “Wait a minute, how old _are_ you guys?” – they had all been unceremoniously kicked out.  They dejectedly made their way home, most of them sulking because their fun had been cut short, but Nico only sulking because she hadn’t had enough to drink yet. 

Once their house came into view around the corner, Nico all but ran to the front door.  Karolina and the others hung back, crowding around the mailbox and chatting over the weekly alternative they’d picked up in an ice-cream shop.  Gert was suggesting a concert to make up for the bar fiasco. 

 _Lord, no concert, please,_ Nico prayed. 

Nico was just putting the key in the door, when Julie broke from the rest of the Runaways to jog up beside her. “Hey, Nico,” she started.  “Is everything alr –“

The former kid superhero stopped at a sudden sound.  A sound that had, during her years on the run and subsequent exploits, become all too familiar to Nico, as well: the click of a gun cocking.  She felt Julie step backward and lean into the door, her shoulder touching Nico’s.

Slowly, Nico put her hands up and turned around to face a trio of masked intruders.  The figure behind the gun – barrel pointed square at Julie’s chest – pulled his mask up his chin, revealing a young face that had barely begun to sprout stubble.

“Heard this is where the Pride’s kids are shacking up these days,” he offered.  “Figured you all are loaded.”

“Hey, step off!” Chase shouted from the edge of the yard, dropping the newspaper and lifting a fist. 

“I wouldn’t!” The young guy called out over his arm, tightening a finger on the trigger.  “Or blondie’s fucking toast.”

“Dude – “ a second intruder started, nervously looking toward his armed partner.

“Relax man,” the third counseled.

“Yeah, look, just tell us where the gadgets are,” the first one offered, waving his gun casually.  “Maybe start with handing over that staff.” 

“Over my dead body!” Nico spat.

“You mean over blondie’s dead body,” he retorted.

At that, Chase sprang across the yard. 

“Shit!” The gun swung wildly back toward Julie. 

Nico closed her eyes and lunged forward. 


	3. Chapter 3

One second she was shoving that obnoxiously beautiful girl out of the way, the Staff of One flung in front of her for whatever protection it might give, and the next it felt like someone was shoving _her_. Hard. With a spiked club.

She was on the ground.  Or, she thought she was on the ground - things were becoming very unclear, very quickly.  Had the staff saved her?

Nico looked down at her chest, where she was gripping the staff’s orb over her heart.  There was blood everywhere.

“Ah, fu…” She started hazily. 

“Is…is she dead? Fuck, fuck, why did that dumb jock make me shoot her!” The frantic cries of the would-be robbers sounded strangely far away.

“Shit! You idiot! We’re about to be charged with motherfucking murder!”

Nico’s fingers tightened, not entirely voluntarily, around her apparently-not-bulletproof staff.  If it hadn’t stopped the bullet, maybe it had at least slowed it down.  She tried to stand, but instead felt her muscles seize up and her vision start to cave in on itself.

“Fuck…n…” If she didn’t think of a spell in the next 30 seconds, she was definitely a goner. She’d been fucking shot, and, though appropriate, she’d be damned if her last word was going to be the F-bomb, and if the last thing she saw was fucking _Julie_ hovering over her.

“NICO!” …Karolina?

Nico squeezed her eyes shut, and focused the last of her energy toward a spell for the staff: “ _Broken heart.”_

It was worth a try.  Maybe saving Gert hadn’t used up the last of her aorta spells.

-

“Call 911!”

“But the cops – “

“Nico’s been shot, and she’s not awake to cast a spell, so if you don’t call 911, she's...I...”

“Holy shit.”

“Chase, just do what she says.  I’ll look up the nearest ER.  If we can fly her there faster than the ambulance…”

“What if we can’t move her? What if she’s…”

“The bad guys are getting away!”

“Molly! Forget about them!"

Nico really wished they would all shut up right about now.  Every time one of them shouted – and she couldn’t figure out who was who, which was very frustrating – she felt like they were slamming a wok against her head and inside her ribcage.  She tried to tell everyone to be quiet, but she was pretty sure she couldn’t open her mouth.  What if the spell didn’t work? What if she was dying?

Well, she had almost died before.  This didn’t feel quite like that. 

For starters, she knew she wasn’t alone.

In fact, her perception was starting to clear up.  It was Karolina’s face above her now, her hands pressed against her chest.  In other circumstances that might have been pleasant, but right now…

“Ow.” Nico said.  She made a move to try and get Karolina’s arm off of her, or she thought she did, but her hand just rose and fell limply, barely making it off the ground.  “Julie – “

“Is fine! Nico, if you got yourself killed I will never forgi – “ Holy shit, why was Karolina shouting? She should stop shouting.  And stop pushing on her chest like that.  It was kind of difficult to breathe.

“Julie, that fucking…fuck.  Why is she…always…ruining…everyth…” To her great disappointment, Nico passed out before finishing her sentence.

She woke up to the sound of ambulance sirens, and rocked forward with a jolt.  Karolina took one hand off her chest, thank God, and wrapped it around Nico’s shoulders.  “Nico! Don’t move! You’re…”

“I think I’m…better.” Nico winced and looked down.  There was still a lot of blood, so much that she felt sick looking at it.  In a moment of panic, her eyes darted to her forearms – both there.  The cacophony of simultaneous relief and shock flooding through her system made her want to pass out again, but instead she said, “If the paramedics see there’s not actually a…gunshot…under all this…we’re not gonna hear the end of it.”

It was surprisingly difficult to speak; she felt winded and her chest ached, but with the way the sphere of her vision widened more and more with every passing moment, she knew something must have gone right.  She could move her arms.  She tried to move her legs.  Those worked, too.

Karolina put her hand on Nico’s chest again, this time much more gently, searching for where the skin should have been ripped open.  She pulled at the hole in Nico’s mesh shirt, traced her fingers delicately around a perfectly smooth surface. Nico bit her lip.  This was awkward.  She felt awkward.  She shuffled back a little, put one hand behind her and – a bullet.  There was a bullet under her hand. 

“Karolina…” She held the bullet up. 

“Oh my God.  Oh my God.” Karolina breathed. Nico felt the wind knocked out of her for the second time that day when the girl wrapped her Amazonian arms around her and squeezed harder than she thought was humanly possible.  Well, Karolina wasn’t human, so Nico supposed that explained it.  “Nico, I thought you were…” Karolina buried her head into the crook of Nico’s neck, and between the blood and the tears, Nico was starting to feel like she needed a very long shower.

“Excuse me! Ma’am! Get out of the way!” A man in a blue uniform had his hands on Karolina. 

“I’m fine – “ Nico tried to say.

“You’ve been _shot_.” The paramedic explained, helpfully. 

“No, I’m actually fine, and would you get your hands off my – “

Someone cleared their throat a few feet away.  Nico saw a pair of high heels behind the paramedic’s black boots.  Had to be Julie.  “Friend.” Nico finished.  “Get your hands off my friend.”

“Sir,” Julie said.  “You can leave now; I’m a member of the Avengers, and these kids are all mutants.  Just figuring out their powers.  Everyone is ok here.”

“Mutants - ?” The paramedic glanced around wildly. 

“Yes.  My friend Chase called 911 because of the commotion.  He thought someone had been shot, but this is just, uh, detritus from their…mutant awakening.”  

“Yup, that,” Nico nodded enthusiastically. “Totally ok!” She was glad her voice had finally come back.  She waved her arms around dramatically. “See? All good.”

“Gross. Fucking mutants.” The paramedic shook his head and moved away from Karolina.  “Let’s get out of here,” he ordered the rest of the assembled EMTs, who were standing by the ambulance in assorted states of concern and confusion.

“Damn, what a waste of resources, you know?” An EMT sneered from the driver’s seat. “These mutie kids – “

Molly lunged toward the ambulance, her eyes flashing gold.  “Say one bad thing about mutants, and I’ll drop you.” Chase grabbed her arm. 

“Molly, you’re not even – “ He stopped.  They’re all mutants.  Play along.  “Not even old enough to drop anyone!”

“Ok, yeah,” The paramedic shot a disgusted and fearful look at Molly.  “We’re out of here. Let’s go, guys.”

Karolina had leaned back to pull up Nico’s shirt, checking between her shoulder blades for an exit wound – nothing – when Nico saw Julie shift uncomfortably, make a move to step toward Karolina to help, and then step back with a frown.  Nico wondered what exactly was going through her head.  It didn’t look pleasant.

“Hey, um, Nico,” Julie said, crossing her arms and looking away.  “I owe you one.  A big one.” Nico narrowed her eyes – did Julie look…sad?  

“It’s no big deal.” Nico assured her.

“I’ve got a lot to say to you…” Julie sighed, then continued.  “But I’m just gonna…go for a walk or something.” She turned on her heel before Nico could respond.

Chase and Molly shared a perplexed glance between each other.  Gert gripped Victor's head and grimaced.  “Er, I guess we should probably reground inside?” Chase suggested. He took Molly’s hand and pulled her toward the porch, all four entering the house and closing the door softly behind them.

And so Nico and Karolina were alone, sitting in the dusty yard in a pool of blood.  Nico pressed her hands against her tights, which left smudges of dirt and dark wet streaks on the black fabric. 

“I have a terrible headache,” Karolina groaned, pulling Nico’s shirt down and shuffling around to kneel in front of her again.  She let her head fall back onto Nico’s shoulder.   “There has been way too much crying in the past few days.”

It was then that Nico realized Karolina was between her legs, her arms draped around her shoulders.  The inside of Nico’s thighs were grazing Karolina’s hips, and Nico felt a little too comfortable.  Normally, Nico would have pushed her away in embarrassment, but now it was as if a force was possessing her to stay locked in place.  Furthermore, it seemed to direct her hands, which were still on her tights, to a much braver position - one hand to Karolina’s side and the other hand to the blonde’s tear-streaked face. 

Nico felt her chest swell, but not with pain this time.  Something else.  Something like courage.  

“Hey - look at me.” 

Karolina let Nico guide her face up, frowning.  "What's wrong?" 

Nico moved her thumb across Karolina’s cheekbone, meaning to wipe the tears but leaving a streak of dirt and blood in their place instead.  Nico laughed at the sight.

"You seem to be doing alright," Karolina said, smiling.  Behind the smile, though, was a buzz of nervous energy.  She seemed aware of her hands around Nico's shoulders, weighting and unweighting them, as if she wanted to pull away.

“When you asked if there was anything I wanted to tell you,” Nico began.  “There was.” Karolina sucked in a deep breath, and Nico moved the hand on Karolina's face to her collarbone. “I’ve been waiting for the right moment, but it’s like the right moment is a rug that someone won’t stop pulling out from under my feet.  I think I’ve realized that there won’t _ever_ be a right time.  And I might never be enough, but – “

Karolina looked upset.  She opened her mouth to speak, but Nico cut her off.  _No.  She wasn’t ready to get turned down – not yet._

“Let me finish,” Nico ordered.  “There may never be a right time and I might never be enough.  But I can’t die without…”

“Nico! You’re not going to die.  And now is definitely not the right time.”  Karolina stood up and grabbed Nico’s elbow, pulling her up with her.  “We’ve gotta go inside and get you cleaned up.  And you need to lie down or something; you’re probably delirious from losing all that – “

“What’s your problem? I’m not delirious!”

Nico frowned and stumbled after the blonde, who pulled her into the house with a sigh.  Why did Karolina keep interrupting her? Wasn’t it Karolina that had said she needed to use her words? And, more perplexingly, why hadn’t Nico given up yet?  Any other day she would have cut her losses.  Did the spell…

“Can we go to my room?” Nico suggested. 

“I…” Karolina looked around the living room frantically, snatching a towel off a pile of clean clothes on the couch.  “Let’s go to the bathroom.”

Nico stood for a moment not moving, until she was snapped out of it by the sound of Karolina turning on the sink.  Well, not as romantic as she would have liked for this confession - but the bathroom works.  She rushed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and opening her mouth to speak again when Karolina put her hands on her shoulders and shoved her down onto the edge of the tub. 

“Sit down.”

“Yeah, I’m sitting,” Nico held her hands up.

Nico was about to try her speech another time, but was interrupted by the sound of Karolina’s phone vibrating against the sink. 

BZZZZZZZ.

BZZZZZZZ.

BZZZZZZZ.

“Hold on – “ Karolina snatched the phone off the sink, softening her tone when she heard the voice on the other end of the line.  “Julie! What’s going on? Yeah, Nico’s alright.” At that, Nico slipped her blood-soaked shirt over her shoulders, and peeled off her shorts and tights. 

“You, uh…” Karolina’s voice trailed off as, Nico noted with satisfaction, she caught a glimpse of the scene in front of her.  Karolina looked away quickly, her face turning red.  “Sorry, what was that? We need to talk? Now? Yeah…I mean…of course…” She put the phone down.

“Hey, Nico,” Karolina cautiously started to look in Nico’s direction again, only to immediately cover her face when she saw Nico had taken off her bra as well.  “You, uh, look ok…and Julie needs to…I’m…see you later.” She rushed out, leaving Nico's mind racing.  

-

“It’s beautiful,” Karolina remarked, taking a seat next to Julie on the park bench.  The sunset was the most vibrant she’d ever seen it.  It was as if a hand of fiery pink was sweeping away the sky, leaving a trail of oranges and yellows and reds in its wake.  It reminded her of her powers.  It reminded her of something erased, something lost…but maybe giving way to something new.

Karolina sighed, frustrated for some reason she couldn't explain, her eyes studying the horizon, searching for an answer - any answer. 

“Thanks for meeting me,” Julie said.  A warm hand on Karolina’s leg made her snap away from the view and finally turn to face Julie. God, she had needed that contact. She couldn’t wait to wrap her arms around the other girl, fall into bed with her.  She needed someone next to her tonight.  Thoughts of Nico were battering against the cages she had put up around them, threatening to spill over and send her tumbling back into an old spiral she knew she wouldn't be able to escape from.   But a night with Julie could be the answer to her conundrum...

Julie took her hand off of Karolina's leg, pressed them together in her lap nervously.  The space on Karolina’s thigh felt cold. Something was wrong.

“Julie – “

“Karolina…I…we’ve been feeling really distant from each other lately.

“Shit, Julie, I know.  I’m sorry things have been so hectic – “

“It’s not that.” Julie’s turn to look at the sunset, the colors seeming to dim between every pause in the conversation.

“And the distance has been really bad…”

“No, it’s not that, either.”

“What’s wrong, Julie? What can I do?”

Julie took a deep breath and finally turned her head toward Karolina, but the focus in her gaze still fell slightly past the blonde's, looking instead to the rows of hills behind the city.

“This is really hard for me, Kar, but – “

“Julie – “ Fuck.   _You think you see something between Nico and I.  I get it.  There was a time when I thought there was something there, too.  But there's not, there never will be, Nico isn't..._

“I don’t think this is going to work.”

“What?!”  _She's fucking straight Julie.  Don't be stupid.  This is so, so, stupid._

“I was starting to feel you slip away from me, before, and I didn’t get it.  But now that I’m here, I understand.  You’ve got a lot to focus on.  I’m not part of it.  It makes sense.”

“No, hey, Julie – “  _Goddamnit, Nico._

“Karolina, stop.  Don’t make this harder than it has to be, ok?  I’m sorry.  It’s over.” Julie stood up quickly, and Karolina noticed the tears welling in the other girl’s eyes.  Julie wiped them away angrily. “I’m sorry.  This sucks.”

“Julie!”

Julie waved her off and took flight, leaving only a rainbow trail in her wake. 

Fuck, fuck, _fuck._

Karolina buried her head in her hands, and the last of the sunset slipped away.  She supposed she should be sad about Julie, and she was, but a stronger emotion was taking hold of her: fear.  

It seemed like she wouldn't be able to run from Nico for much longer, the two of them ships careening toward each other so fast that Karolina couldn't veer away.  They would crash together, and Karolina was sure she would be left to drown in icy waters, watching Nico's back as she faded into the horizon.  Nico would never feel as strongly as Karolina did for her.  It was impossible.  Karolina didn't blame her; she wasn't sure anyone could match the intensity of her feelings for her best friend, her teammate, the girl she fell for, the woman she looked up to as a leader - the strongest of them all.  


	4. Chapter 4

Nico stared into the flickering tendrils of a fire – nearly embers now – that she had built by a small pool of water, the outlet of a few diminutive streams that tumbled down the cliff-side just a little ways walk from the hostel.  The night sky dazzled above her, casting a reflection of countless glittering stars onto the pool’s crystal surface. 

Here the vegetation was young and fragile, a smattering of pine trees interspersed with wildflowers and impossibly green, impossibly soft grass.  Great hulks of cliffs loomed just beyond. Nico had laid out a blanket by the pool’s edge. 

Between the full moon and stars, it felt almost like day.  And if she closed her eyes, she could almost forget.  Almost forget that it was the second night since the attack on the hostel, and the third she hadn’t slept.  Almost forget that the staff was perched in the grass to her left, a far more ominous sentinel than the stones and trees. Nico sighed and opened her eyes, turning to contemplate the staff’s unnatural surface as the light from the fire danced around its yellow orb.

Things seemed to be getting back to normal. Well, normal- _ish_.  Karolina had called out sick from her classes, hanging out around the hostel – and Nico. The proximity might have before irked the reluctant witch, left her wondering what Karolina wanted from her that she hadn't already tried to give.  But these past couple days her presence had instead filled her with a warm sort of energy, energy that was seeming to hold all of Nico’s pent-up exhaustion at bay.  She found herself not only reveling in the closeness, but seeking it out.

Nico grasped the staff with one hand - “What do you want from me?”

It stood, silent, in response.  She sighed and dropped her hand.   Of course.

"Are you going to let me sleep anytime soon?" 

Still, no response.

On the blanket were scattered books, texts on arcane magic and technology that she had collected from her time in the Avengers.  There must be something in their pages that would explain the sudden fear was feeling, the sleepless nights, and way the words for a spell would become tangled in her throat before she could utter them.

There was a snap and pop, too loud to come from the fire.  Nico bit her lip and spun around - "Who's there?" 

"Hey - it's just me.” Karolina leaned against a tree nearby, her arms wrapped around herself nervously – Nico knew it wasn’t from the cold – a six pack dangling from under one elbow and a second blanket under another.   Nico sighed in relief, the tension leaving her shoulders.  She realized then she had been anxious since even before the sound of the footsteps, paralyzed over the books and scrolls that seemed to taunt her with their arcane knowledge. 

“I, uh, brought a few beers." Karolina continued.  "I'm sorry if I freaked you out, sneaking up on you in the dark or something.  I just thought maybe you’d want a break, and we could...just be together? Look at the stars?”

Nico smiled and patted a spot next to her on the blanket, gathering her books into a pile.  “Yeah.  That’d be really nice.”

Karolina nodded, dropping the beers and sinking down next to her friend.  She paused for a moment, but then leaned her head onto Nico’s shoulder.  Without thinking, Nico put one of her arms around the taller girl’s waist, hugging her closer, pulling her hand into her lap and intertwining their fingers.  She squeezed once, then absently ran her hand up Karolina’s arm.  Down again.  Stopping at the bracelet.  Toying with the silver links.  She felt Karolina shiver. 

“You don’t normally get cold,” Nico remarked.

“I’m not.”

Nico swallowed.  She was feeling that brick well up inside her, the same one that had first appeared in their front yard after she’d been shot, when it had seemed as if the staff was compelling her to speak.

She turned toward Karolina, studying the reflection of the stars, the water, the fire, and the golden orb of the Staff of One, all laid out like a landscape in the blonde’s eyes.  Nico could even see her own face, looking back at her.  It was true that the staff was a part of all this.  But it wasn’t the only part.  She blinked, and then all she could see was Karolina.

“Karolina – “ Nico reached over with her free hand, traced down Karolina’s cheek, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear; she knew she shouldn't put any stake into such a small win, but she felt proud that her hand didn't leave behind a trail of blood and dirt this time around.  “Ever since that night you tried to kiss me, at the Dean statue…”

Karolina let out a laugh.  “I think _I’m_ gonna need a drink for this.” 

“No, you won’t.” Nico smiled reassuringly at her, bringing up her other hand to cradle Karolina’s face.  

Nico leaned in, but stopped when Karolina spoke up.  

“It’s alright,” Karolina breathed.  “It was a long time ago.” One last chance to change her mind.  To save their friendship from changing forever.

“I know.  I’m sorry.” Nico realized her hand was moving on its own accord, absently tracing a delicate path down Karolina's neck.  Wherever the feather touch of her hands went, she saw a trail of goosebumps follow.  

“Don’t be – “ Karolina's breath hitched in her throat when one of Nico's hands made its way to the base of her shirt, lifting it up just enough for her nails to graze bare skin.  

“But I am. Because every day since, I’ve been filled with fucking regret.  You left, I kissed fucking _Chase_ , Gert died, we fell apart.  All because I was scared.  I’ve been so ashamed of how scared I was - " 

"Nico, none of that was your fault." Karolina said it so simply that Nico almost believed her.

"I don't know.  But I know I’m ready to do something I swear I won’t be ashamed of.” Nico bit her lip, looked down at Karolina’s mouth.  “I…I really, really want another chance to kiss you.”

Her friend – is that what they were? Because in Nico's mind they had always been so much more – only nodded, and Nico took that as her chance to lean forward and, this time, let the gravity of her feelings pull her through the barrier of every last chance and doubt.   Pressing her lips against Karolina’s, she wondered how long she had been dreaming of this for.  Since the day at the Dean statue? Since before?

Nico deepened the kiss, and felt a weight she hadn't even known was there drop like leaves in autumn.  She gasped - at the feeling of Karolina’s tongue against hers, or at the air rushing out of her, she wasn’t sure.  Seasons flitted through her mind like chapter books with every kiss.  One kiss for each day she regretted missing.  For each opportunity that had been lost.  She kissed Karolina with all the fierceness of opening every door she thought she had closed.  When she felt Karolina let out a moan against her mouth, that was all Nico needed to push her down onto the blanket. 

Straddling her, Nico blushed.  “And I didn’t want to just kiss you,” Nico started, nervously. It was Karolina’s turn to gasp, and move her hips up toward Nico’s.  Nico smirked at this, and leaned down to kiss Karolina again.  She ran her hands down Karolina’s face, tracing every line she'd seen but never felt, coming to rest against her chest.

“I wanted the chance to wake up with you.” Down the front of Karolina’s shirt, stopping when she felt the top of her jeans.  She leaned down and softly bit the side of Karolina’s neck.   Nico felt Karolina’s hips rock forward again, and Nico pushed back into them instinctively, biting harder, sucking gently.  

Running her tongue up Karolinas neck, she had a moment to feel a sense of dread.  What if she didn’t know what to do? What if boys were different than –

She wasn’t able to complete her thought before Karolina’s hands were pulling their faces together again, and then one hand was on the back of her head, and the other was traveling up Nico’s shirt.  Karolina’s bracelet felt, all at once, cold and hot against her skin.  Her palm was softer and more delicate than anything that had touched her before, and her mouth...fuck. Nico came up for air, moved to take her shirt off.  But Karolina grabbed her collar with her fist and pulled her back down again.  

"I'll take that off when I'm ready," Karolina growled against Nico's ear. 

Boys were definitely different.  

But soon enough their torsos were bare against each other, Nico's nipple piercings pressed against Karolina's chest, Karolina's necklaces cool against her breastbone. 

Definitely. 

Nico pulled back to regard the woman in front of her, taking a moment to let her awe wash over her.

_I didn't just want the chance to kiss you again.  I didn't just want to wake up with you. I wanted the chance to laugh with you.  To make you breakfast, and gardens.  I wanted another chance to be together...all of it._

Karolina became shy under Nico's pointed gaze, searched her face with blue irises darker than Nico had ever seen them and filled with emotions she couldn’t quite comprehend - concern? Hope? Lust?  In any other circumstance, it all would have sent Nico running.

But instead, Nico spoke up in answer to the question Karolina seemed to be asking:

“I love you so much." 

"Nico..."

"I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.  I was afraid that it would fuck up our friendship - that you would be angry with me for suggesting something like that while you were dating or _married_ to someone.  And…” Nico bit her swollen lip.  Was she ruining the mood? But she figured at this point, she had nothing to lose.  She soldiered on, “And I was afraid to hear you say Julie was better than me; I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to be a good friend if you rejected me like that, that I’d ruin our whole…family…by being even more bitter and jealous – “  

“It's ok..."

“And no matter what you say, even if you say she _is_ better than me – “  

“Nico! Shut up.” Karolina grabbed Nico’s waist, and flipped them over so that she was on top, one leg between Nico’s, her knee pressed far too close for Nico to do anything but obey.

Nico felt like she could explode, or cry, or both.  She moved a hand that had fallen slack against the blanket to lock an arm over her back, wanting to pull their torsos against each other.

Karolina Dean was on top of her.  Karolina Dean was kissing her.  She couldn’t think between the fire that was suddenly burning wherever Karolina’s body touched hers, and the feeling of the deepening kiss.

Karolina pulled away for a moment to let Nico catch her breath.  Her necklaces and hair fell across Nico's face like a curtain.  

“You’ve always been enough.”  Karolina whispered into Nico’s mouth.  “Don’t you ever fucking die on me, and don’t ever fucking think you’re not good enough for me." She lifted a hand to Nico's face, traced her bottom lip.  "I've loved you all along, you know that? I thought I could never tell you how I felt.  But maybe now...I could show you.”

Nico nodded.  She was sure, sometime soon in the future, she would be filled with doubt - but right now, at this moment, she believed her.  Karolina put her arms on either side of Nico’s head and got back to work.

 -

Nico’s eyes shot open.  The glow of the moon meeting her gaze, and the last embers of the fire out of the corner of her vision, told her it wasn’t morning yet.  Karolina was pressed against the side of her shoulder, halfway underneath the smaller girl.  Beneath a second blanket, a long leg was thrown over hers.  Their clothes were tossed haphazardly around them.

She could feel Karolina’s arms wrapped securely around her, one under her body, another across her torso.  She could feel the other girl's breaths rising and falling, pushing at her back in a steady rhythm.  She could feel every inch of her, and felt closer to Karolina than she had to any other person in her entire life.

But she could also feel something else.  Something just between her heartbeats, like an itch that was growing.   Was it the knowledge that now that they had slept together, nothing would be the same again? That for better or for worse, their two masts were locked in sync? If one went down, the other would, too...

She threw her head to the left.  The staff was gone.

In dismay, Nico realized that her upper chest was bare, unprotected, and that the Staff of One was returning home.

Nico choked back a snarl at the gleaming hilt pressed halfway into her, ruining literally everything good in her life.

“No,” Nico put a hand around the staff, trying to stop it from sinking in.  It felt like pulling a hair out of her throat.  “No, no, you fucking - ”

“Nico?” Karolina stirred, her voice full of concern.  “What are you doing?”

“Trying to stop this thing from – “ 

“Can you do that? Don’t do that.  Just – “

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Nico shouted, and her eyes gleamed the same color as the Staff of One's orb.  Karolina scooted slightly backward, just enough to see the staff charge up in response.  There was a crack, like thunder, and a flash as if a lightning storm was brewing; but it was all over sooner than it began.  Nico cursed.  "Shit!"

Karolina turned Nico around to face her, only to see the staff had all but disappeared inside her.  Nico was cradling one of her arms with the other, folding into Karolina in defeat. She didn’t look hurt, but –

“Are you alright?” Karolina tried to examine Nico more directly, but the other girl shied away.  “Your arm? Is there something wrong with it?” 

Nico shook her head.  "I think it's ok." She uncrossed her arms to put them around Karolina’s neck, and so Karolina wrapped herself around the smaller girl and pulled her closer, placing the blankets up over their shoulders.  "The staff was just...mad or something.  Gave me a shock to tell me who's boss." Nico tried to laugh to show she was alright.  It sounded forced.  "Everything's fine." 

The light from the moon was dimming, replaced by a murky morning shadow.

After awhile, Nico spoke into Karolina’s neck: “But I’m still afraid.”  Nico didn’t lift her face for the blonde to see the turmoil flashing across it.  “I’m not afraid of us, but I’m afraid of… _that_. That thing between us.”

“It's not between us,” Karolina said with certainty, tilting Nico’s chin up to look at her.  “See? I’m right here.”

Karolina rested her forehead against the shorter girl's and continued.

"I don't know if this is...overstepping or something.  But I used to be afraid of my..." Karolina quirked a corner of her mouth up.  "...talents, too.  I used to think that if they were from my parents, then they must be bad, like them.  But - " 

"It's not the same," Nico interrupted.  "You found a whole planet of people like you.  A whole planet can't be evil." Karolina's face fell, and Nico immediately regretted speaking.

"You're right.  They weren't." 

"I'm sorry." 

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Karolina responded quickly.  "You're right." She took a deep breath.  "But I know you're good, ok? I've seen a lot of bad  stuff, so I know it when I see it.  And you're not a part of any of it.  And if the staff is a part of you, then it isn't bad either.  I know you feel like you've made all these mistakes, but we're here, together, because of _all_  of that." 

"We didn't see Alex for what he was," Nico shot back.  "And we're not all here." 

"We didn't, and we're not."

Nico waited for Karolina to argue with her further, but she quiet. Instead Karolina looked away, turned her face up to where the stars would have been if sunrise wasn't already near.  Nico thought of Xavin.  She wondered if Karolina blamed herself for Xavin's disappearance, same as Nico blamed herself for not saving Alex, her parents, Klara - everyone they'd lost.  If she did, Nico knew she didn't deserve it.  She knew, deep down, that betrayal and loss were stray bullets that struck targets without discernment.  Bad people suffered, and good people, too.  

"How can you be so sure then?" Nico asked at last.  "What if the staff's not a part of me? What if it's some kind of...parasite? What if it's what made my parents..." Nico trailed off, unable to say the words.  

“I'm telling you, you have the biggest heart of all of us." Karolina said.

"No, that's you."

"Well, if the staff _is_ some kind of corrupting influence, you're doing a damn good job of not letting it change you for the worse.  How many lives have you saved? And now you've added Julie to the list?" Karolina poked Nico on the shoulder jokingly, then wrapped her arms around her again and tightened her hold.  "You're the most resourceful person I know.  If anybody can figure this thing out, it’s you.  I promise.”

“Thanks,” Nico smiled ruefully.  “What a way to wake up.  I’m sor – “

“Stop saying that.  I promise you’re going to be ok.  And I’m going to do anything I can to help you.” Karolina paused.  “ _We’re_ going to do everything we can to help you.  You'll always have me, and Chase, and Gert, and Molly and Victor. I'm never going to leave you again, and nothing’s going to beat us. Ok?”

“Ok.”

“Let’s get dressed? As much as I could…” Karolina looked down and raised a bemused eyebrow at their bodies pressed together under the camp blanket. “…stay like this forever…I bet the others will get worried.”

The others.  Suddenly  a sense of relief washed over Nico - she didn't want to get dressed.  She wanted to fall back asleep in Karolina's arms. She knew that was a good thing, and that tonight wouldn’t be like all the others.  Tonight was going to be the start of something new.  She could feel it.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew! Took awhile for me to update, but, here's a lil something fresh off the press.


End file.
